Circumstances We Cannot Predict

Planning can help, because the unpredictable parts arrive anyway.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

I did not plan to bring my father to live with us.

He had barely been out of New York and New Jersey in his life. I did not imagine him in Mexico.

Then things happened that nobody predicts.

The first was COVID. It changed what everyone thought was possible, and it changed how we thought about being far from family. Then my father fell and broke his leg. He needed surgery and then rehabilitation, and he could no longer live the way he had. Over the years, Alzheimer's slowly took over his abilities, as it does for so many people.

My wife insisted that we take him in. We had the room. We also had a way of living that made it possible. That does not mean it was easy.

None of these events was in our plans. I do not think they are in anyone's plans. This is the part I find most worth saying to a person who is retiring or thinking about it. We each only have a certain amount of time on this planet. We are all mortal, and we have to face that. Planning can help, because the unpredictable parts arrive anyway.

Cost is one part of the plan, and that is much of what this website is about. What could a good life cost for the next twenty years? What could care cost if it is needed? These questions have numbers, and the numbers can be worked out ahead of time.

The other part is personal. It is who will be there, whom you trust to decide, and what you want to say to the people who may look after you. It is also what you want to pass on to the next generation, which may not be money at all.

I sometimes ask people a question. Picture yourself falling in the shower and lying there unconscious. How long would it take before your life was in complete chaos? Who would know where your papers are? Who could pay the bills, speak to the doctors, and decide what happens next? I ask it as a test, and the answers tell us a lot.

I cannot tell you what is coming. I can tell you that my father's last years were not the ones either of us expected, and they were good years, in their way.