Defending the Place Others Call Boring: A Montenegro Story

We start to defend what we have chosen, and the defending is a sign that we are attaching.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

Picture a couple named Paul and Irene. They have settled in the capital of Montenegro. A friend visits from home, looks around the main street on the first afternoon and says, politely, "So, is there more to do here?"

Paul feels something rise in his chest. A week earlier, he had been wondering the same thing himself.

This is a story I find in many places. A visitor calls the city dull, and the person who lives there turns protective. It happens even when that person had the same complaint last month. I think it says something kind about people. We start to defend what we have chosen, and the defending is a sign that we are attaching.

The capital there is sometimes called the most boring in Europe. I take that as a joke from outsiders, not a fact I could check. But the joke is useful. It makes you ask what you wanted from a city. If you wanted noise, long nights and a full calendar, the word "boring" might be a warning. If you wanted a table, a walk, a coffee that nobody hurries you out of, the same word could be praise.

Here is my reading. Criticizing the country you live in is a tricky thing. When you do it yourself, it feels honest. When a visitor does it, it feels like a comment on your decision. That is why the first reaction is often to defend. It is not a judgment on the visitor. It is your own doubt, being pushed on by someone else.

I also think it is fair to keep both thoughts. A place can be calm and still feel too quiet some Tuesdays. You can love a town and miss the theatre you used to attend. Neither feeling cancels the other.

"It's slow here," Irene says to the friend that evening. "That's why we like it."

Paul laughs. "Last month I would have said it differently."

"I know," she says. "Me too."

That small exchange seems to me what living somewhere really sounds like. You hold the praise and the doubt in the same hand.