The Neighbor Who Shares, and the Neighbor Who Does Not Become a Friend in Morocco

A friendship across languages and customs can take a long time, and some will stay at the nod.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

Picture a couple named Walter and Anne. They have lived in a Moroccan town for two years. Anne goes to the door on the left and is handed a plate of something warm. Walter goes to the door on the right and gets a polite nod and nothing more. Both are neighbors. Both are kind. The two doors feel nothing alike.

Two stories, two doors

I came across two accounts that sit far apart. In one, a retiree in Agadir was enjoying the friendliness of the people around. The writer was amused, too, because tourists seemed to pay double in some places while neighbors treated a resident like family. The humor was gentle, and the warmth was real.

In the other, a woman wrote with sadness about a neighbor she could never befriend. She tried and tried. The door stayed polite and closed. She did not say anyone was unkind. She just could not get through.

I think both are true. A country is made of many streets, and each street has many doors.

What might explain the difference

I cannot say why one door opens and another does not, and I would not guess about a whole people. But I can think of ordinary reasons. Some neighbors are shy. Some are busy. Some have been burned by short visitors before. Some simply have enough friends already, as any of us might.

Resident versus tourist seems to matter too. The Agadir story hints at it. When people see you as someone who lives there, who buys bread at the same shop each week, the tone may shift. Being seen as a regular can change how people treat you.

Walter might say, "Anne gets a plate. I get a nod."

Anne might laugh. "Bring them back the plate. Then see."

Sharing goes both ways

What stands out to me is the plate. A shared plate is not only a gift. It asks for something in return, a plate sent back with something on it. If the exchange begins, a friendship may begin with it. If it never starts, the friendship may never start either.

None of that is quick. A friendship across languages and customs can take a long time, and some will stay at the nod. That may be fine. A nod every morning is still a kind of company.