Who You Become Between Two Homes: A South Africa Story
I think this is one of the quiet gifts of living between two places.
Picture a couple named Linda and Peter. After many years in one city, they now spend long stretches in South Africa and return to see family and friends elsewhere. When they are in one place, they talk about the other. When they are in the other, the same. A friend asks, with a smile, "So which one are you?"
They had never thought to ask.
I have read an account from a person who describes herself with the image of a swallow, a bird that crosses between two homes each year. What struck me was the tone. It was not restless or torn. It was content. She seemed to feel that the crossing was part of who she had become.
That is worth noticing, because many people expect a move to cost them something. They expect to feel split, or like a guest in both places. Some do. But others describe a gain. Away from the roles they held at home, they find sides of themselves they had not used. They become more patient, or more curious, or more willing to ask for help. At home those sides were not needed. In a new place they were.
Then they bring those sides back. The friend who sees them at home says, "You seem different." They say, "I am a bit different." And they like it.
I think this is one of the quiet gifts of living between two places. You get two views of yourself. One is the person your old home knows. The other is the person your new one knows. Neither is false. They are two rooms of the same house.
It can also be tiring. Keeping up two sets of friends, two sets of habits, two ways of speaking takes energy, and some people say they get tired of explaining. I would not call the arrangement easy. I would call it rich, for those it suits.
"Do you feel like a different person here?" Linda asks one evening.
Peter thinks. "A little looser. I laugh more."
"Then maybe that is the point," she says.
If you are curious who you would be, I think the question is worth asking before you decide.
You could…
- Write a short list of the parts of you that only appear when you are away from home.
- Spend a month somewhere new and ask a friend back home what they notice on your return.
- Notice which habits you drop and which you keep when your setting changes.
- Try a seasonal arrangement for a year before you decide on a bigger change.
Who are you when you are away from home?
Tell us in the comments