Wary at First, Warm Later: What Nine Years in a Turkish Town Can Do

Nine years is a long time, and by then the greetings are not polite any more.

By Neil Solomon · 3 min read

Picture a couple named Marian and Paul. They arrive in a seaside town in Turkey in the spring. They smile at everyone. Most people smile back, politely, and then go on with their day. Marian wonders if they have made a mistake.

I read a story from a woman who spent nine years in Fethiye. She describes ending up feeling accepted. What stands out to me is the word "ending up." Acceptance was not where she began. It arrived later, and it seems to have arrived in small pieces.

The first year is a long audition

I think most of us expect a new place to open its arms. Some places do. Many do not, and that is not a flaw in anyone. A shopkeeper who has seen newcomers come and go has little reason to invest in the next one right away. A neighbor may wait to see if you stay through a hard winter.

When I picture the first year, I picture people watching. Not unkindly. They are simply curious about who you are and whether you will be around.

Marian and Paul might hear it like this:

"They nod, but nobody asks us in," Marian says.

"Give it time," Paul says. "We just got here."

What seems to change the mood

From what people describe, warmth tends to follow a few simple things.

Showing up in the same places again and again. The same café, the same market stall, the same morning walk.

Trying the local language, even badly. Effort is often read as respect.

Letting others help first. Asking where to find a good plumber is a small gift, because it lets someone be useful.

Staying. I think this one counts most. Nine years is a long time, and by then the greetings are not polite any more. They are real.

Why this belongs under "how long"

Many people judge a move by the first few months. I think that may be the wrong moment to judge. If a place feels cool at month three, that tells you something about month three. It may not tell you much about year five.

That does not mean every wary town turns warm. Some people never feel at home, and that is a fair result too. But a plan that allows for a slow start seems kinder to yourself than one that expects instant belonging.

I would also say that being accepted does not need to mean being the same. The woman in this story did not stop being a foreigner. She was a foreigner whom people knew.