Cautious About People Who Leave: Staying or Going Home in Vanuatu
Going home after a year or two can be a good decision made with open eyes.
Picture a couple named Gerald and Pauline. They have been in Vanuatu for a year. They like the pace, the water and the markets. One evening a longtime resident, over a drink, says with a wry smile, "Give it a year or two. Most people leave." Gerald laughs. Pauline wonders if he is right.
I read a thread where a resident of a few years said something like this, and I thought it was funny and honest. The tone was dry. The idea was that people come with big plans, and a good number go home. So the people who stay become careful about whom they get close to.
Why people become careful
I do not see this as unkindness. If you have built a friendship and the friend leaves after eighteen months, it hurts. Do that a few times and you start to hold back. The long-term resident is protecting something.
For a newcomer, this can feel like a closed door. It may be better to read it as a question: "Are you really staying?" And I think it is a fair question to ask yourself first.
Two ways to think about staying
Leaving is not failure. Some people find the place is lovely but the distance from family, doctors or familiar food is more than they want. Going home after a year or two can be a good decision made with open eyes.
Staying needs more than liking it. People who remain seem to build roots that survive a bad month: a routine, a few steady friends, a way to be useful. Without those, a pleasant island can start to feel remote.
The question I would ask is what you are leaving the door open for. Many people keep a way back, such as a home they have not sold or a family they visit. That seems wise to me, and it also shapes how others see you.
I also think honesty goes a long way. A newcomer who says plainly "we are here for now" often gets a warmer reception than one who promises forever and then leaves.
A moment at the table
"He said most people leave," Pauline said.
"Are we most people?" Gerald asked.
"I don't know yet."
"Then let's be honest with the neighbors. Tell them we're trying it for two years."
"They might like that better."
You could…
- Say aloud how long you plan to try it, and let neighbors respond.
- Set a date to review the decision with your partner, such as after the first year.
- Build one friendship that does not depend on whether you stay.
- Keep a clear way home, so staying is a choice and not a trap.
When did you decide that a place was home, or that it wasn't?
Tell us in the comments