When the Body Holds On and the Mind Lets Go

Rosa could do everything for Irving's day. She could not decide anything about his money, his medical care, or his home.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

Picture a couple named Irving, 84, and Bernice, 81. They moved abroad at 66. Irving walks every morning, and his legs are strong. Lately he repeats the same story at dinner, sometimes three times.

Bernice hired a woman named Rosa to help in the afternoons. Rosa is kind, and she is good at her work. She bathes Irving when he needs it, she makes his lunch, and she sits with him.

One day a letter came from the bank. It asked Irving to sign a form. He signed it without reading, and Bernice learned a week later that it moved some money. She called the bank.

"We can only speak to Mr. Irving," the clerk said.

Bernice looked at the paper. She had no power of attorney. Irving had never signed one. When they moved, the two of them had said, "We will do it next year."

Rosa could do everything for Irving's day. She could not decide anything about his money, his medical care, or his home. That is not her role, and a hired helper would not be expected to do it. Those decisions belong to Irving, or to the person he named for it, in the right form, while he could still choose.

This is the difficult part of a long life, and my own father showed it to me. My father's body was in fair shape well into his mid-nineties. His memory was the part that went first. Hired caregivers took care of his days at home. The decisions had to come from my wife and me.

(Alzheimer's Association, 2026 Facts and Figures. These are averages for a whole country, not a forecast for any one person.)

The same report says most of the help older adults receive comes from family, friends and other unpaid people, about 83% of it. About 6 in 10 people with dementia wander at least once. Almost 6 in 10 family caregivers of people with dementia say their emotional stress is high or very high.

None of that is an argument for fear. It is a reason to sign a few papers early. If the mind is clear, a person can tell everyone what to do, and write it down. If it is not, family and friends have to step in, and they can only step in with the right papers.