Writing Down the Feeling Before You Decide About the Thing
She wrote one card for each thing, and nothing else, and the writing went faster than she expected.
Picture a woman named Pearl, 70, who lost her husband Dewey last year. His fishing room is the spare room at the end of the hall. It holds six rods in a rack, a tackle box of flies he tied himself, a canvas vest with too many pockets and a faded cap. The door has been shut for most of a year.
Pearl is moving to a city in Colombia where her sister lives. The house is going on the market in the spring. Her daughter Ruth asked her, kindly, what she wanted done with the room. Pearl said she did not know. She said it again the next week.
A friend gave her an idea. "Before you decide what happens to anything, write down what it makes you feel. Then decide."
Pearl sat on the floor of the fishing room with a pad of index cards. She picked up a rod first. She wrote one card for each thing, and nothing else, and the writing went faster than she expected.
Rods: Dewey leaving at five in the morning, trying not to wake me.
Flies: he tied them at the kitchen table and swore each one was lucky.
Vest: every pocket had something in it.
Cap: he wore it in every photograph.
When she finished, she sat looking at the cards. Two of them made her cry and one made her laugh. She noticed something about all four. Every card was about Dewey.
A pile of cards fits in a suitcase. Six rods and a tackle box do not.
That Saturday she called the community center. A volunteer named Felix came with a hand truck. He said the rods were good ones, and he ran a Saturday fishing club for teenagers who borrowed gear every week. Felix asked, "Do you want to keep anything?"
Pearl kept the cap and a small tin of flies.
The thing and the feeling
| The thing | The feeling on the card | What happened next |
|---|---|---|
| The rods | Dewey leaving before dawn | Felix's club, used every Saturday |
| The vest | Every pocket full | Felix's club, worn on the river |
| The flies | Each one called lucky | A small tin kept in her handbag for the trip |
| The cap | In every photograph | Kept, on her dresser |
Felix told her some weeks later that a boy had caught his first fish on one of Dewey's rods. Pearl added a fifth card to the stack. It said: A boy caught a fish on Dewey's rod. Somebody is proud.
You could…
- Take one index card per object and write one sentence about how you feel.
- Wait a day, then read the cards back.
- Decide about the objects after the cards are done.
- Keep the cards where you keep your important papers.
Which object would you write a card for first? Post your answer below. A reader facing a closed door in a parent's house could be helped by your first card.
Tell us in the comments