A Man Who Had Barely Left New Jersey Moves to Mexico

He was a man who had lived one way for ninety years and was now being asked to live another.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

My father had hardly ever been out of New York and New Jersey. He did not travel. He had a paid-for plot in a cemetery in the town where he lived, and he was proud of what he had paid for it.

Then he came to live with us in Mexico.

Imagine yourself in his shoes. You are in your nineties. Your leg is healing from a break. You have a new house, new food, a language you do not understand, and a family you did not see every day before. Everything is different, and you cannot do what you used to do.

He was not happy about it at first. He said so. Asked what he thought of Mexico, he said it was full of Mexicans. Asked whether he liked the house, he said it was a jail. My wife said, "But it's a really nice jail, isn't it?"

He was a man who had lived one way for ninety years and was now being asked to live another. I think grumbling was the honest thing for him to do.

What changed over time is hard to put in a line. He had people he knew nearby each day. He sat at our breakfast table. He told his stories, and we listened. He learned some manners in the new house. He asked for things instead of demanding them. He stopped complaining about the food.

I do not want to make it sound like a miracle. He was still himself. He could still be difficult. But the sharpest edges wore down, and mine did too.

If you are thinking about bringing a parent to live abroad, or moving abroad with a parent, I would offer a few thoughts, based on a single case. The first is that the early weeks may be the hardest. The second is that language and food are real adjustments for a person who has never left home. The third is that someone he knows well, in his own room, may help more than a nicer building.

I would add that I do not know how it would go for every person. My father was lucky to have a family that wanted him, and he was lucky that the care he needed could be found close by.