The Day You Realize They Think You Are Rich

A landlord who sees a retiree from abroad may reasonably guess they have more to spend.

By Neil Solomon · 3 min read

Picture a couple named Susan and Tom. At home they were comfortable, careful, nothing flashy. Here, their landlord smiles a little wider than he did last year. The man at the market says a price, then looks at their faces before he says it again.

"We are not rich," Susan says in the car.

"To them we might be," Tom says.

I find this one of the odd turns of moving abroad. We carry our old picture of ourselves into a place where a different picture is waiting.

What the stories describe

Brazil. A writer reports how locals see the foreigner. There is a sense that rents rise because the newcomer is assumed to be rich. The feeling is unease. It is the sense of being a price tag.

Colombia. A man in an older forum post tells of friends who faded when he stopped paying. I imagine that stung. He had thought the friendships were about him. When the drinks and dinners stopped, so did the calls.

Chile. The tone here is practical. A writer describes hiring help with a proper contract. It reads as a way to keep things clear and fair for both sides, so nobody feels used or underpaid.

Bolivia. A missionary writes of being put on a pedestal. Friends were hard to make, because people saw the visitor as above them, or apart. The word that comes to mind is isolation.

What I take from it

I would not blame anyone here. A landlord who sees a retiree from abroad may reasonably guess they have more to spend. A friend who is used to the retiree picking up the tab is not a villain either. Habits form fast, on both sides.

What I think matters is how we carry the picture. Three things seem to help. We could say early, and kindly, what we can and cannot cover. We could put arrangements, like hiring help, in writing so everyone knows where they stand. And we could pay attention to which friendships survive a plain Tuesday with no bill to settle.

The Bolivia story is the one that lingers with me. A pedestal is a lonely place. Someone who is seen as above can find it hard to be simply one of the group.

The four places differ in how the picture shows up. In Brazil it is in the rent. In Colombia it is in the friendships. In Chile it is in the paperwork of daily help. In Bolivia it is in the distance between people. Each asks us to think about money in a slightly different way, and none of them asks us to hide who we are.

Susan and Tom decided to pick a few small local habits and join them. A weekly lunch at a place where everyone splits the check. A morning walk with a neighbor who asked nothing of them.