Growing Old Where You Landed
A writer who has lived in China for many years said the hardest thing was aging parents back home.
Picture a couple named Joan and Henry. They are in their sixties and happy in their new home. But last week Joan's mother, who is in her eighties, had a fall. The phone call came at night. Joan sat on the edge of the bed and wondered what it all meant.
I think this is one of the most honest questions about moving abroad. It is not about the first year. It is about the last years, ours and our parents'.
China: the hardest thing is aging parents
A writer who has lived in China for many years said the hardest thing was aging parents back home. They felt regret. They had built a good life in one place, but the people who raised them were in another. Each visit felt shorter than the last, and each call brought a small fear.
I do not think there is a clean answer to this. It might help to think about it before the move, not after.
Thailand: choosing where to grow old
An older account described a retiree who weighed several places, from a busy island to a village in the northeast, and chose a village. The feeling was independence. They wanted a quiet life where they could manage on their own terms for as long as possible.
I find this useful because it treats ageing as a choice of place, not just a matter of time. The village suited them. It might not suit you. The point is that they asked the question early.
The Philippines: bringing parents along
The third story is the most hopeful. A family in the Philippines brought parents in their eighties to a small coastal city instead of a nursing home back home. They felt hopeful that the parents could be cared for close by, with family around them.
I do not know how this worked out for everyone, and I will not pretend to. But it shows another option. The question is not only "Can I go?" but also "Who could come with me?"
| The question | The feeling | |
|---|---|---|
| China | How do I stay close to parents far away? | Regret |
| Thailand | Where do I want to grow old? | Independence |
| Philippines | Could parents join me? | Hopeful |
Joan and Henry talked late.
"What if she needs us?" Joan asked.
"Then we go," Henry said. "And we could think about what 'go' means."
"I'd like to think about it before the phone rings."
You could…
- Talk with your parents about what they want, while they can tell you.
- Picture your life at 85 and ask which place fits it.
- Visit your new home in the season you like least.
- Ask older neighbours how they manage when help is needed.
Where do you picture yourself growing old, and who is with you?
Tell us in the comments