Is It Selfish to Spend It? Three Couples, Three Answers
Is it selfish to spend our own money on ourselves?
Picture three couples who met at a cooking class in a city none of them grew up in. After class one evening, the conversation turned to the question that sits under many dinners. Is it selfish to spend our own money on ourselves?
Cornelius, 74, and Mavis, 72, went first. "We have worked for fifty years," Mavis said. "We are going to see the places we put off, and we are going to eat well while we do it."
Vince, 70, and Rita, 68, listened. "We want to do some of that," Rita said. "We also want to help our daughter with a house while she is young enough to enjoy it."
Harlan, 76, and Dorothea, 75, were the last to speak. "We are keeping most of it," Harlan said. "Dorothea's mother needed care for years. We have seen what that costs."
Nobody argued. Mavis asked Harlan what he was afraid of, and he said, "Being a burden." Then Vince asked Mavis whether she worried about her children, and she said, "Not about money. They have good jobs. I worry they will not know us."
The next week, each couple wrote down what they had chosen.
| Couple | What they chose | What they gave up | What they said |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cornelius and Mavis | Spend most on travel and good meals now | A larger sum for the children later | "Our children have their own work. We would like them to have us." |
| Vince and Rita | Spend some on themselves, give some while alive | Some trips, and some control over the money | "We would like to see it used." |
| Harlan and Dorothea | Keep most, in case care is needed | Fewer trips, and a smaller lifestyle now | "We would like to be sure we are never a weight on anyone." |
Each answer came from something. Mavis's parents had saved all their lives and traveled very little. Dorothea had spent three years at her own mother's bedside.
Harlan and Dorothea kept their answer. A few weeks later, Harlan said they had added one small trip a year to the plan. "Dorothea picked the town," he said.
You could…
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Write down what you would most like your money to buy, and say it aloud to your spouse before comparing notes.
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Ask a friend what their couple decided and what shaped it, without offering your own view.
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Pick a small amount to spend on yourselves this year, and notice how it feels afterward.
What did your household choose, and what was behind it? Share it here. Someone reading may be hearing their own answer for the first time.
Figures are estimates for planning, based on public data.
Tell us in the comments