When You Leave Sooner Than You Planned: Four Stories from Europe

The people who leave tell us just as much.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

Picture a couple named Joan and Peter. They sold the house, gave away the sofa and flew across the ocean with a plan for twenty years. Four months later they are sitting at a kitchen table, asking a question they never expected to ask: "Should we go home?"

I think this deserves more room than it gets. Most writing about moving abroad is about arriving. The people who leave tell us just as much.

Four reasons people describe

Portugal. One couple left after three months. The flat was cold and the social circles seemed closed. They later found a better fit back in the United States. What I notice is the speed. Three months is short, and they still decided clearly.

France. One couple planned to return home after their dream life brought too much grief and not enough joy. I read their story as sadness more than blame. The place did not do anything wrong. The weight of what they were carrying simply did not lift.

Croatia. A person left Split, though it never felt like home. That phrase stays with me. No single thing failed. The feeling of belonging just never came. I think many of us would find that harder to explain than a cold flat.

Denmark. One writer was homesick and doubted he would stay. Making friends was the hard part. This is a quieter reason than the others, and probably the most common.

What I make of it

The reasons vary. A cold home, a closed circle, a grief that moved with them, a missing sense of belonging, plain homesickness. But I see one thing in common. Each person found out something about themselves that they could not have found out from a visit.

I also notice that none of them blames the country. They describe a mismatch between a person and a place, and that seems fair to me. A place can be good and still not be yours.

Leaving, then, could be read as the result of a test, not a defeat. The test was costly, yes. But it gave an answer.

Back to Joan and Peter.

"I keep thinking we failed," Joan says.

"We tried it," Peter says. "Now we know."

"I would rather know."

"Me too."