Living on Your Own Far From Home
They are both ways of asking for the same thing: a life where you are neither lost nor crowded.
Picture a woman named Helen. Her husband died two winters ago. The house is too quiet, and she has started to look at maps. She does not know yet whether she wants to go, or just to stop sitting in that kitchen.
Two voices
Mauritius. An older single woman asks the question many of us are afraid to ask out loud: will I be lonely? The answers she gets are reassuring. I read them as saying that loneliness is not decided by the country. It depends on whether you find even a few people to share a table with. I like that she asked before going. It is a brave, practical question.
Egypt. A woman writing from Cairo says she misses anonymity. That is a surprise, because we usually worry about being alone, not being seen. She misses being one face among many. For her, the loneliness is of a different kind: she wants to disappear into a crowd, and the crowd will not let her.
I find the contrast helpful. One woman fears being unseen. The other wants to be seen less. Helen could feel both on the same day.
What I take from this
Grief makes this harder. After a loss, a quiet house can feel like the whole world, and a new place can feel like an escape or a risk. I do not think either feeling is wrong. They are both ways of asking for the same thing: a life where you are neither lost nor crowded.
If you are on your own, I think the useful question is not "Is it lonely there?" but "What kind of lonely am I afraid of, and what kind would I welcome?" Some people want a place where the neighbors know their name. Others want a street where nobody does.
Helen put it to her sister on the phone.
"I think I want someone to notice when I do not show up."
"And if they notice too much?"
"Then I will have been missed," Helen said. "That would be a nice problem."
You could…
- Write down which kind of lonely worries you most: being unseen or being watched.
- Ask people living alone in a place you like how they spend an ordinary Tuesday.
- Stay a few weeks first, and see how it feels after the novelty ends.
- Tell a friend at home that you want them to call on a set day each week.
What would make an evening alone feel good to you?
Tell us in the comments