When Socializing Revolves Around a Drink, Lithuania Edition

A shared glass can be the doorway to a friendship, and if you do not drink, the door may seem shut.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

Picture a couple named Gerald and Louise. They moved to Lithuania hoping for friends. They were invited out within the first month, and the invitation was a drink. The next one was a drink too. By the sixth, Louise whispered, "Does every evening have to have a glass in it?"

What one account says

I came across a short note on life in Lithuania. The writer felt isolated, and said socializing there seemed to revolve around drinking. That is one person's view, and I would not say it describes everyone. But it points at something many newcomers have felt in many places. A shared glass can be the doorway to a friendship, and if you do not drink, the door may seem shut.

Why a shared drink matters

I think a shared drink is a ritual, and a ritual is a way of saying, "We are together now." The glass itself may matter less than the clinking, the toast and the time spent sitting down. In some places it is coffee. In others it is tea, or a meal that lasts for hours. Here, from this account, it is a drink.

If you enjoy a glass, you may find the door wide open. If you do not, or cannot, for health or for taste, you may feel on the outside of a warm room. That can be lonely, especially in a place where you are still learning the language.

Gerald might say, "I will have one and sit with them."

Louise might answer, "And I will have water and see if it matters."

Both are reasonable. I think the ritual is usually about showing up.

Joining and not joining

What stands out to me is that people can take part in a ritual without copying it exactly. A water glass can touch a wine glass. A toast with tea is still a toast. The people across the table are often more interested in who you are than in what you pour.

Still, I would be honest about the limits. If nearly every invitation involves drinking, and that does not suit you, you may need to look harder for other ways in. A walking group, a class, a market, a volunteer afternoon. These can open a different set of doors, slower perhaps, but steady.