The Pleasure of Watching a Gift Get Used
If the money was going to her anyway, what was he waiting for?
Picture a man named Stanley, 74. He is a widower with one daughter, who is 41 and rents a small apartment across the river. For years Stanley had assumed the money he saved would go to her after he died. He had a plan, written and signed.
One Sunday his daughter mentioned that a house she liked had gone to another buyer. She had not saved enough for the down payment. She said it lightly.
Stanley drove home thinking about it. He asked himself an odd question. If the money was going to her anyway, what was he waiting for?
He called a friend who had given his son a gift for a business. "How was it?" Stanley asked.
"I got to eat at the restaurant," the friend said. "I did not get that from the will."
Stanley did not decide that night. He read a little. He found two well-known studies and read what each one covered.
| Study | What it found | What it did not study |
|---|---|---|
| Dunn, Aknin and Norton, Science, 2008 | In a national survey, a study of windfalls and an experiment, spending on other people raised happiness more than spending on oneself | It was not mostly about retirees, and it did not look at gifts to adult children |
| Aknin and others, 2013 | Gallup data from about 235,000 people in 136 countries linked spending on others to happiness in rich and poor countries | Its experiments were mostly with students, and it was not mostly about retirees |
| Anything on earlier gifts and heirs | No study shows that giving earlier improves how heirs use money | Not tested |
So the research points to a pleasure for the giver. It does not say the money will be used better. Stanley found that honest enough to work with.
He called his daughter that week and asked her what the house would need from him. She was quiet for a moment. She asked if he was sure.
"I am sure about what I want to see," Stanley said. "I would like to see you in it."
In the spring he stood in her kitchen while she put a plant on the windowsill. She did not know he was watching. He felt glad, and a little surprised at how glad.
You could…
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Ask your child what one piece of help would change the most, and listen before you offer a number.
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Pick a gift you could picture yourself seeing used.
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Work out a care reserve first, then see what is left.
What gift did you give or receive that you got to see used? Share it here. Someone reading may be deciding whether to wait.
Figures are estimates for planning, based on public data. Sources: Dunn, Aknin and Norton, Science 319 (2008); Aknin and others, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2013).
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