The Sentence That Runs When Something Hard Happens
A sentence can help in one room and hurt in another.
My father had a rule about people who worked for him. He said, "Pay a man a fair wage to feed his family, or he will steal from you. Don't make him choose between feeding his family and stealing."
I heard it as management advice for years. Later I wondered whether it was something else. My father lost his own father when he was twenty and became the one who had to feed his mother and two sisters. He knew what that pressure was like from the inside. I think the rule was his way of making sure no employee ever stood where he had stood.
That is one inherited sentence, and it has helped me every time I have hired anyone.
Another one has cost me more. An uncle of mine, a gym owner for fifty years, told my father, "Stop watching pennies, or you'll never make dollars." My father counted receipts and noticed missing change, and his businesses stayed small. The uncle built systems that checked the work without him, and he took vacations and went windsurfing. I took both sentences. The penny-watcher in me is my father, and it still shows up at restaurants.
Two sentences, one person
A sentence can help in one room and hurt in another. "Pay a fair wage" has never cost me anything. "Watch every penny" has helped me spot a real error and has also stolen an evening from me over a US$12 mistake.
A fair test may be where a sentence fits.
| The sentence | Where it helps | Where it costs |
|---|---|---|
| "Pay a fair wage." | Hiring, partnerships | Almost nowhere |
| "Watch every penny." | Contracts, large purchases | Dinners, trips, sleep |
| "When there is no man, you be the man." | Standing up when others look at the floor | Taking on what is not mine |
Finding your own
Next time you feel a jolt of fear, guilt or anger, stop and write down the exact words that came first. They are usually short. They are often older than you are.
Then ask three things. Whose voice is it? Is the situation in front of me the one it was made for? What would I say to a friend who was in my place?
You could…
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Write the first words that run through your head the next time you are upset.
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Place each sentence in a table like the one above.
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Choose one situation where an old sentence no longer fits, and try a different one for a week.
What is the sentence you inherited that still helps? Tell us here. Someone reading may need exactly that one.
Figures are estimates for planning, based on public data.
Tell us in the comments