When Money Is Tight and Family Is Far: A Turkey Story

When money is tight, the ticket becomes a decision, not a habit.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

Picture a couple named Dorothea and Hal. They moved to Turkey because the daily life suited them. Their grown daughter lives far away, and so do her little ones. They love the new home. They also keep a photograph on the fridge that they look at more than they say.

Someone who wrote about this described a wistful mood. There was a sense of missing the grandchildren, and also a sense that flights made the distance easier to bear. I read both feelings as true at once.

Two sums that do not add up the same way

There is the money sum. A ticket home, maybe two, maybe for both of you. There is also the feeling sum. A first birthday missed. A school play watched on a screen. These are not on the same page, and I do not think they ever will be.

When money is tight, the ticket becomes a decision, not a habit. That is where I think the squeeze really shows. Not in the rent or the groceries, but in how many times a year you let yourself go. Some people say they hold one trip as fixed and plan the rest of the year around it. Others say they keep a small pot for a sudden journey, and feel calmer for it.

What helps, and what does not

People who describe this well tend to say the same few things. A regular call at a regular hour helps more than a long call now and then. Having the family come to you can be a gift, and can also be a bill. A home with a spare room changes the sums, and so does a home without one.

Dorothea and Hal talked it through.

"If we go twice a year, we feel it in March," Hal says.

"If we go once, I feel it every day," Dorothea says.

Neither of them is wrong. That is the point I would like to leave with you. The right number of visits is a private number, and it can change.