Where the Friends Came From in Europe
One person described being seen by strangers more than by old friends.
Picture a couple named Colin and Helen. For years their social life ran through the office. Dinners, birthdays, a Friday drink. Then Colin retired, and within a year the calls thinned out. Nobody was unkind. People are simply busy, and the thing that joined them was gone.
Now they want to move to Europe. Helen asks the question many people feel but rarely say: "Who will we know?"
The routes people describe
| Place | The route to friends | The feeling |
|---|---|---|
| Portugal | Being seen by strangers; a social club; a neighbourhood that came round | Seen, convivial, moved |
| Spain | Petanque, with foreigners and locals together | Content |
| France | Leaning into village life | Pleased |
| Italy | A neighbourhood that rescued itself and drew people in | Proud |
| Switzerland | Loneliness that came less often than feared | Hopeful |
| Luxembourg | Many years, from newcomer to local | Rooted |
| Croatia | Friends in Split who felt like family; a retiree's home in an old quarter | Grateful, belonging |
Portugal gave me the most to think about. One person described being seen by strangers more than by old friends. Another said work friends vanish after retirement, and felt lucky to have found others. A third wrote of a wine society with a long waiting list, which made me smile: even belonging can have a queue. A fourth was moved when neighbours said they had forgotten the person was an outsider at all.
In Spain, the game was petanque, played by foreigners and Spaniards together. A game gives you something to do with your hands while you get to know someone, and I think that makes it easier than coffee.
In France, one writer found that if you lean into village life, it leans back. In Italy the story was about a neighbourhood that came back to life, and people with it. In Switzerland, someone expected loneliness and met it less often than they feared. In Luxembourg, a person described moving over twenty-five years from newcomer to local, and in Croatia, friends in Split felt like family, and a retiree settled into an old stone house in a historic quarter.
At the kitchen table
"We have no one yet," Helen said.
"We have the baker," Colin said. "He waved."
"A baker is a start."
"A baker, a game on Thursday and whoever the baker knows," he said. "That is how it goes, I think."
What I take from it
Across all seven, I see a place to return to, a small activity done with others, and time. That is about all of it. I am wary of any promise that a country is easy for making friends. The stories say it depends on what you do on a Thursday.
It also seems to me that the first friends are often not the ones you expect. They may be older, younger, from the place or from far away. The warmth came from being around, again and again.
You could…
- List the activities you already enjoy and look for a group that does one.
- Visit a local club or game on a trial stay and go back the following week.
- Say hello to the same three neighbours for a month and see who answers.
- Ask someone a few years ahead of you where their first friends came from.
Where did the first friend in your new place come from?
Tell us in the comments