Five Days In and Already Looking for a Friend

The newcomer in week one and the long-time resident in year fifteen are the same kind of person at different points.

By Neil Solomon · 3 min read

Picture a couple named Grace and Paul. On day five in a new town, Paul is already restless. The beach is lovely and the weather is kind, and he has nobody to tell about it. Grace is calmer. "Give it time," she says. Paul does not want to give it time. He wants a coffee with someone by Friday.

People who write about moving to Africa describe this same itch, and then very different ways of scratching it.

Four places, four routes

Tanzania. One newcomer, five days into life on Zanzibar, wrote that she was already restless and wanted to meet people. I read her message as honest and a little brave. She said out loud what many of us feel and do not say. A person who asks early is giving others a chance to answer.

Botswana. Newcomers here seem to share the same restless first days. As I read it, the first weeks bring a pull toward other newcomers, simply because they are also looking.

Morocco. In contrast, a person who had spent fifteen years in Essaouira wrote with calm. Friendship there had come slowly and from daily life, the same shops and the same streets. The tone was practical. This was someone who had stopped looking for friends and found them.

South Africa. A retiree there described a view beside the hardship. The beauty was real, and so was the difficulty of daily life around it. I read it as a person torn, who wanted friends who understood both halves at once.

What I make of it

I notice that the routes depend on time. In week one, the route is asking. In year one, it is repeating the same places until faces become names. By year fifteen, there is a whole map of people.

I do not think one route is better. I do think many of us expect the year-fifteen result in week one, and then feel something is wrong with us or the place.

One more thought. The newcomer in week one and the long-time resident in year fifteen are the same kind of person at different points. If you could ask the one in Morocco what she wished she had known on day five, I suspect she would say that the restlessness passes, and that it is also worth listening to.

Back to Grace and Paul. On day six, Paul posts a short note asking where other newcomers meet. By evening he has three replies.

"You were right to be impatient," says Grace.

"You were right to wait," says Paul. "I needed both."