Friends Who Leave Every Year: A Chile Story

Keep the door open to those passing through, and also grow a few roots in people who will still be there.

By Neil Solomon · 2 min read

Picture a couple named Carol and Jim. They have been in Chile for two years. In the first autumn they met a couple from another country and became close. By the next summer that couple was gone. In the second year it happened again with a different pair. This month, a third pair has told them they are leaving too.

I have read this story in many forms. People who move to a place with a lot of other newcomers often describe it the same way: warm friendships that come fast and end early. The word they use again and again is wistful. They are not angry. Nobody did anything wrong. People simply have plans, and plans move.

What stands out to me is how this shapes the way people make friends. Some pull back. They think, why start another one, if it ends in a goodbye? That is a human reaction, and I understand it. Others do the opposite. They say yes to everything, because they know the time is short, and they find the friendships deeper for it. I cannot say which is wiser. I think each fits a different person.

It is worth asking before you go what kind of friendships you need. If you want a few people near you for ten years, a place with high turnover may feel hard. You might have to look beyond other newcomers, toward neighbours and local groups who plan to stay. That takes more time and more of the language. It may also give you the longer kind of friend.

If, on the other hand, you enjoy company in the moment and can say goodbye gracefully, the changing circle may suit you. You meet new people every year, and you always have a reason to travel to see someone.

"They told us last night," Carol says.

"Third year in a row," Jim says. "Should we write it on the calendar, a farewell dinner every spring?"

"I think we should. And I think we should invite the neighbours this time."

That seems wise to me. Keep the door open to those passing through, and also grow a few roots in people who will still be there.