The Pull of Home, Felt From Two Different Places
The return is planned like a trip that has been in the calendar for years.
Picture a couple named Rosa and Daniel. They have a house they like in Panama and a sunny routine. Then a message arrives with a photo of the grandchildren, taller than last time. Rosa looks at it for a long while. Daniel sees her face and puts the kettle on.
I find this one of the hardest parts of moving, and people rarely list it first. They list weather, rent and paperwork. The people left behind come up later, often at night.
Two ways the pull shows up
Panama. What stands out to me in the stories from Panama is worry. One person describes leaving a large family and feeling unsure whether the move was fair to them. Another describes wanting to retire "again": the first time was supposed to be the finish line, and now there is a second round of decisions, and the first ones may not have been the right ones. Both feel torn. Neither sounds sorry about the place itself. The unease is about who is far away.
Bolivia. The Bolivia story I read is different in tone. It is about someone who left long ago and hopes to come back once work is over. The distance is not a worry about this week. It is a long, steady wish. The return is planned like a trip that has been in the calendar for years.
| Panama stories | Bolivia story | |
|---|---|---|
| Main feeling | Worry, second thoughts | Longing, patience |
| Where home is | Somewhere to visit and check on | Somewhere to go back to |
| What it asks | "Did I choose well for them?" | "When is the right time?" |
What I think this means
Distance does not feel the same for everyone. It depends on what you expected. If you thought of the move as a long holiday, the first family birthday you miss may come as a shock. If you thought of it as a chapter with an end, you may carry the time differently.
I also think the guilt is often bigger than the facts. People at home may be busy, glad for you, and fine. Or they may need you more than they say. You only learn this by asking them, and by asking more than once, because answers change over the years.
Rosa and Daniel talk it over on the balcony.
"I keep counting the days until we see them," Rosa says.
"Then let's put the next visit on the calendar tonight," Daniel says. "Counting is easier when there is a date."
You could…
- Write down how often you would like to see each person, and ask them the same question.
- Decide before you go whether this is a stretch of years or a forever move, and say it aloud to your family.
- Keep a small reserve of money and time for a trip home at short notice.
- Ask yourself what a good visit looks like: a week, a month, a season.
What does the distance feel like for you right now?
Tell us in the comments