Moving Toward the Family Instead of Away

Most retirement abroad is described as leaving: leaving a climate, leaving high costs, leaving a routine.

By Neil Solomon · 3 min read

Picture a couple named Marian and Philip. They are in their sixties. For years they lived far from a large and growing family, with video calls on Sundays and visits twice a year. Then they chose Israel, because that is where their grandchildren are. The list of reasons was long, but that was the first one.

I find this kind of move interesting because it turns the usual story around. Most retirement abroad is described as leaving: leaving a climate, leaving high costs, leaving a routine. Here the person is arriving at something. The people are the reason, and the place follows.

From what people describe, the feeling is of being rooted. They talk less about sun or sights and more about a table with many chairs, a birthday that they can walk to, a week when a small cold means a visit and not a flight. Ordinary days become the gift.

There is a second side that I think is worth saying out loud. When your whole reason for a place is people, the place has to hold up when the people are busy. Families have school runs, jobs and their own plans. Grandparents who arrive with high hopes can find that the calendar is shared, not given. That is not a fault in anyone. It is how busy families live.

So the question I would ask is what a regular week looks like when the family is not free. Do you have your own friends, your own walk, your own corner of the city? People who do seem to enjoy the family time more, because they are not leaning on it for everything.

Language and daily systems matter too. Even when the heart is in the right place, shopping, medical visits and paperwork take effort in a new country. Having relatives close can soften all of that, since someone can show you how things are done. Some find this a relief. Others find it hard to depend on their grown children after years of being the one who helps.

A moment between them could go like this.

"They have asked us for Friday dinner again," said Marian.

"We could go," Philip said. "Or we could ask them here, for once."

"Let's do that."

That small switch, from being invited to hosting, tells me something. A move toward family works well when the couple also builds a home of their own.

It is also fair to ask what you leave behind. Friends of many years, a familiar doctor, a garden. The gain is large and so is the cost, and it is honest to hold both.