Why Friendships Take Years, Not Months: Four Places in Africa
It is a reason to count in years, not months, and to let a few friendships be enough.
Picture a couple named Anita and Robert. They moved a few months ago. They have a lovely home, good weather and a long list of sights. What they do not have is anyone to call on a Tuesday. They keep telling each other it is early. They are right, and it still hurts.
I think friendship is the slowest part of any move. The people I read about in four parts of Africa describe it in four different ways.
How it looks by place
Cape Verde. One person was new and looking for company. The search meant hopping between islands by ferry. I find that charming and a little sad. When friends are not next door, you may have to go and find them.
Mauritius. One woman describes the phrase "la vie est douce," life is sweet, and a home that moves. She seems at ease. Her sense of home is less about one house and more about how she lives. For some people, ease comes first and friends follow.
Morocco. Two accounts here are wistful. In one, friends leave and newcomers give up. In the other, friendships stretch across twelve time zones. Both tell me that the people you meet may not stay, and the people you left may be far away. That is a lot of loose threads.
South Africa. One woman describes being happy for the first time in her life. I would not treat that as a promise for anyone else. But it shows that belonging can arrive in a place nobody expected it.
What I make of it
I notice that in many of these stories the new person did the work. Ferry rides, invitations, patience. And in places with many short stays, the circle keeps changing. A friendship that takes two years to build can lose a member in the third.
That is not a reason to stay home. It is a reason to count in years, not months, and to let a few friendships be enough.
Back to Anita and Robert. At the end of month six, a neighbor invites them to a small lunch.
"We almost said no," Anita says on the way home. "We were tired."
"I am glad we went," Robert says. "She said to come again."
"Then we will."
You could…
- Set a rhythm, like one coffee a week with someone new, and keep it for a full year.
- Ask people who have stayed a long time how they built their circle.
- Book a regular call with an old friend so distance does not cool it.
- Say yes to the invitation you are too tired for.
Who was the first real friend you made in a new place, and how did it start?
Tell us in the comments