Have We Asked the Children What They Expect?
They have never said it aloud to their children.
Picture a couple named Floyd, 73, and Jean, 71. They have two grown children, one in Ohio and one in Oregon. They have worked out a number for what is left after the next twenty years. They have never said it aloud to their children.
"They are counting on it," Floyd said.
"Are they?" Jean asked. "Did they say so?"
Floyd thought. "No."
They found a survey that might help. Kiplinger and Morning Consult asked 5,156 American adults about inheritance. Half were adult children and half were parents 55 and older.
| What the survey found | Share |
|---|---|
| Adult children who do not expect a meaningful inheritance | 42% |
| Parents who say they will have nothing to pass on | 15% |
| Families who have never discussed it | Two in five |
| Children who do not know the amount per child | 43% |
| Parents who do not know the amount per child | 38% |
A second survey, from Northwestern Mutual, reported that 47% of older people who plan to leave an inheritance have not told their children. An Edward Jones survey found that 71% of parents said they were comfortable talking about family wealth, and 27% had done it.
These are surveys of American adults, and the numbers are the groups' own answers. They show a pattern. Many parents imagine the children expect more than the children say, and many children do not know what the parents plan.
Floyd and Jean wrote three questions to ask the children on their next video call.
- What do you picture, if anything, when you think about what we may leave?
- Is there something you would rather have from us than money?
- Would it help you to know our plan, or would you rather hear it later?
Their daughter in Oregon answered first. "I never thought about it," she said. "I would rather you came to see the baby."
Floyd put a hand over his eyes. Jean laughed. Their son in Ohio said he was glad they had asked.
You could…
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Pick a quiet time and tell them you have a question, not a plan.
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Ask the three questions above, and listen to the whole answer.
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Tell them the one thing you are sure of, even if the rest is open.
What did your children say when you asked? Share it here. Someone reading may be about to dial.
Figures are estimates for planning, based on public data. Sources: Kiplinger and Morning Consult survey; Northwestern Mutual Planning and Progress Study (2024); Edward Jones survey.
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