A Short Script for the First Conversation About Money
She wrote it on an index card so the first minute would not depend on courage.
Picture a couple named Alvin, 72, and Roz, 70. They have two grown children and a plan they have never described aloud. Every few months one of them says, "We need to talk to the kids." Then the call turns to the weather and the grandchildren.
Roz decided a script might help. She wrote it on an index card so the first minute would not depend on courage.
A survey by Kiplinger and Morning Consult, which asked 5,156 American adults, found that about two in five families had never discussed inheritance. Alvin and Roz were not alone.
Here is the card.
| Three questions to ask | What it opens |
|---|---|
| What would you like to know about our plans? | The children choose the topic |
| If one of us were ill, what would you want to help with, and what would you rather not? | Who might do what |
| Is there something in our home you hope to have someday? | Objects, which often matter more than money |
| Three questions to be ready to answer | A reply that is true |
| --- | --- |
| "Will you two be all right?" | Where you live, how the bills are paid, who knows where the papers are |
| "Are you leaving us money?" | "We do not know yet. Care for us may come first. We will tell you what we decide." |
| "Why now?" | "We would rather you hear it from us, and we would like to hear from you." |
They called their son on a Sunday. Alvin asked the first question.
Their son was quiet for a moment. "I assumed you had it handled," he said. "I do not know where anything is."
Roz picked up her pen and wrote that on the back of the card.
"Your mother would not know either, if it were me," Alvin said.
"That is true," Roz said, and everyone laughed. Their son asked the second question on the card himself. Alvin gave the answer Roz had written, and it was a relief to say aloud, because it was all true.
Nobody on that call had been hiding anything. Nobody had known how to start.
You could…
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Write your own three questions on a card before the call.
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Say at the start that this is a first talk and nothing has to be settled.
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Let "we do not know yet" be an answer, when it is true.
What would you put on your own card? Share it here. Someone reading may borrow your first line.
Figures are estimates for planning, based on public data. Sources: Kiplinger and Morning Consult survey of 5,156 American adults.
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