Helping With a First Home: A Gift, a Loan, or a Share?
Vince and Rita would like to help, and they do not agree on how.
Picture a couple named Vince, 70, and Rita, 68. Their daughter is 36 and has found a small house she can almost afford. She has not asked them for anything. Vince and Rita would like to help, and they do not agree on how.
"Give it to her," Vince said. "She is our daughter."
"A gift is clean," Rita said. "I keep wondering about her brother, though. He rents too. Would a loan be easier on everybody?"
They sat down with a pad and listed the three doors they could see.
| Way to help | How it works | What the family conversation needs |
|---|---|---|
| A gift | The money goes to her, and nothing is owed | Does her brother know? Will the same help be offered to him later? |
| A loan | She repays it, with or without interest | How much, how often, and what happens in a bad year? Will it be written down? |
| A share | Vince and Rita own part of the house with her | Who decides about selling? What happens when one of them dies? |
They noticed that each way says something different to a daughter. Vince wanted to say, "this is yours." Rita found herself drawn to saying, "we are in this together."
They invited their daughter for dinner. Vince had written a few questions on a card.
"What would be most useful to you?" he asked her.
"I do not know," she said. "I did not want to ask."
"What would worry you about each one?"
She took a moment. "A gift, I think I would feel I had to be grateful for a long time. A share would mean you are in my house." She laughed. "That might be fine. I have not decided."
Rita wrote down what she heard. No one decided that night. Vince and Rita said they would tell their son whatever they decided, so that he would hear it from them.
On the way home Vince said, "I thought I knew what I wanted."
"You did," Rita said. "Now you know what she wants too."
For any of the three, an accountant or lawyer who works with Americans abroad could say how the gift rules or the paperwork apply. The yearly gift amount in 2026 is US$19,000 per person receiving, and US$38,000 for a married couple together. A gift above that calls for a gift tax return, and it is not necessarily taxed, because of the lifetime exclusion of US$15,000,000 per person.
You could…
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Ask your child which of the three would feel right, and which would worry them.
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Decide whether the other children will be offered the same help, and tell them what you decided.
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Write down whatever you agree, even for a gift, so that everyone remembers it the same way.
What did you decide about helping with a home, and what did your family say? Share it here. Someone reading may be sitting at the same table.
Figures are estimates for planning, based on public data. Source: Internal Revenue Service, Frequently Asked Questions on Gift Taxes (2026 amounts).
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