The Child Who Is Good With People and Not With Money
When he is gone, who looks after the money, and who looks after the family?
Picture a man named Lenny, 76. He has two grown children. His daughter keeps a spreadsheet for everything, including the family reunion. His son remembers every birthday and every cousin, and he has been in and out of trouble with money for years.
Lenny loves them both. He had been avoiding one thought. When he is gone, who looks after the money, and who looks after the family?
"I keep picturing leaving it all to the one who is good with numbers," he told a friend. "Then I picture the holidays."
"What about the other one?" the friend asked.
"He would be hurt. And he would be right to be."
Lenny went to see an attorney. He had read that a trust could name more than one person to manage it, called co-trustees. He asked how two people would share the job. The attorney explained how it works in his state. Lenny wrote down what he understood and said he would confirm the details before signing anything.
What he took from the meeting was a way to think about it. He wrote the jobs on two columns.
| The job | Who might be good at it |
|---|---|
| Keeping the records and paying the bills | His daughter |
| Calling relatives, hearing what each one needs | His son |
| Deciding on larger spending together | Both, with an agreement written down |
| Naming a neutral person to help if they disagree | Someone Lenny trusts, to be chosen with the attorney |
Then he did something harder. He told his son what he was thinking.
"I am putting you in charge of keeping us together," Lenny said. "The numbers will have a second pair of hands. I am hoping the first part matters to you."
His son was quiet. Then he said, "I would rather you were honest than pretend. I am not good with money."
"I know," Lenny said. "I am glad you can say it."
You could…
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List what each child does well, including things that have nothing to do with money.
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Ask an attorney how co-trustees share decisions where you live, and what the family can do if they disagree.
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Say the honest limit to the child, and say the strength in the same breath.
What gifts did your children bring that money could not measure? Share it here. Someone reading may be trying to find the words.
Tell us in the comments