When One of You Wants to Keep the House and the Other Does Not
"So the porch swing costs us about thirty-two thousand dollars a year," he said.
Picture a couple named Walter, 70, and Eileen, 68. Their house is paid off and worth about US$500,000. They plan to spend most of each year abroad, and to stay a month a year near their daughter Lena. Walter wants to keep the house. Eileen wants to sell it.
They had talked about it for three months. Each talk ended the same way. Walter said, "Let's not rush," and Eileen went to look at the list on the refrigerator, where she writes the places she hopes to see.
One evening Eileen did not argue. She put a page on the table with three columns. Their home abroad costs the same on all three, so she left it off. The month near Lena costs US$1,350 in a short rental if the house is not theirs to stay in.
| Per year | Keep it empty | Rent it | Sell it |
|---|---|---|---|
| Money in | US$0 | US$33,000 (US$3,000 for 11 months) | US$18,800 (US$470,000 after 6% selling costs, at an assumed 4%) |
| House costs | US$14,900 | US$13,800 (tax, insurance and big repairs US$10,500, plus a 10% manager US$3,300) | US$0 |
| A month near Lena | US$0 | US$1,350 | US$1,350 |
| Left over | −US$14,900 | +US$17,850 | +US$17,450 |
| What it holds | The porch swing Walter built, and Christmas morning | A tenant, and a way back | Eileen's list on the refrigerator |
The gap between keeping the house empty and selling it was US$32,350 a year. Walter read the page twice.
"So the porch swing costs us about thirty-two thousand dollars a year," he said.
"The swing is one thing in the house," Eileen said. "I would carry it with us if I could." Then she said what she had held back for months. "Sometimes I think you love the house more than you love going anywhere with me."
Walter put the page down. He looked at the middle column. Renting the house left them US$400 a year ahead of selling it. He had not thought of that column, and neither had she until she drew it.
For a long minute neither of them spoke.
"I think I am afraid that if we sell, Lena's children will have nowhere to be at Christmas," he said.
It was the first time he had given the real reason. Eileen had believed he was counting money.
"I did not know that was the number you were adding," she said.
They did not settle it that night. Walter asked for one week, and for the two of them to sit on the porch swing before they spoke of it again. Eileen said yes. In that week, each of them would write one sentence about what the house holds for them and keep it in a drawer.
You could…
- Each write one sentence about what the house holds for you, and read both aloud.
- Draw the three columns with your own yearly costs, including where you would stay in the weeks you are home.
- Pick a day to decide, and agree on what each of you could bring to it.
What was your sentence, or the one you are afraid to write? Share your answer in the comments below. Someone reading may be sitting across from a spouse with a different wish about the house this week.
Figures are estimates for planning, based on public data, before income tax, with prices held flat. When a tenant lives in the house, the tenant pays utilities and routine upkeep, and the owners pay tax, insurance and big repairs. The US$10,500 is an assumption.
Tell us in the comments